The Weight of Being First

Before he learned how to dream for himself, he learned how to carry others.
As the firstborn, responsibility arrived early and without ceremony. While his siblings were still discovering childhood, he was discovering expectation. He became the example before he understood the rules. Mistakes were lessons for everyone. Success was a standard others were expected to follow.
No one announced the role. It was simply assumed.

From a young age, he was taught to be strong, to endure, to lead by doing. When resources were limited, he was expected to understand. When emotions ran high, he was expected to calm the room. The oldest child often becomes the emotional anchor of the family, steadying storms they did not create.
As Aristotle once observed, “The hardest victory is the victory over self.” For the firstborn, that victory is often delayed, because self comes last.

He watched his siblings receive freedoms he never had. Rules softened with time. Expectations shifted. When they stumbled, patience followed. When he stumbled, correction came swiftly. Yet he learned to swallow resentment and wear maturity like a second skin.
In family crises, his phone rang first. When parents needed help, advice, or support, his name was called. He became the bridge between generations, translating parental fears into hope and sibling confusion into clarity. Leadership was not chosen; it was inherited.

But leadership has a quiet cost. Inside, he carried questions he rarely voiced. Who supports the supporter? Who checks on the one expected to be okay? As Maya Angelou wisely said, “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” Many firstborns live with untold stories.
Mental health struggles among oldest children often go unnoticed. They are praised for resilience while silently battling fatigue. They are admired for strength while privately longing for rest. Being dependable becomes an identity, making vulnerability feel like failure.
Still, there is beauty in the burden.

The oldest child learns empathy early. He understands sacrifice intimately. He becomes a problem solver, a mediator, a protector. These qualities shape leaders, caregivers, and visionaries. As Nelson Mandela said, “What counts in life is not the mere fact that we have lived. It is what difference we have made to the lives of others.”

The difference the firstborn makes is often immeasurable.
With time, he learns an important truth: responsibility does not cancel humanity. Strength does not forbid rest. Caring for others must include caring for self. Boundaries become acts of wisdom, not rebellion.

Dr. David Rex Orgen writes this to honor the unseen labor of firstborn children everywhere. Their role is not small. Their load is not imaginary. Their sacrifices matter.
Being first means carrying weight, but it also means shaping legacy. And legacy, when handled with grace, becomes a gift, not a burden.

By Dr. David Rex Orgen, Best-Selling Author and International Mental Health Expert