When Coming Home Feels Heavier Than the Suitcase

The Dream of Returning Home

Coming home after ten or more years sounds warm in theory. You picture stepping off the plane into familiar voices, food you missed, and a language that feels like music. But for many abroad, the return becomes stressful long before the flight.

Brigit spent twelve years in the United States before planning a trip for her cousin’s wedding. She expected joy and celebration. Instead, the requests started as soon as people heard she was coming.

“Aba, bring chocolates.”
“We need sneakers.”
“I need an iPhone.”
“Don’t forget a laptop.”

Some asked with love. Others asked with expectation. Even relatives she had not heard from in years reached out. Her shopping list grew. Her excitement faded. She spent over $2,700 on gifts before buying her ticket. On travel day, an overweight baggage fee felt like the final push. She carried more than gifts. She carried pressure.

When Home Becomes Financial Obligation

Samuel shared a similar story. He returned home for his mother’s funeral after fifteen years abroad. Instead of grieving, he covered most of the cost. The coffin, food, musicians, transportation, even clothing for distant relatives. People whispered, “He came from America,” as if it explained everything, as if it required payment.

The Emotional Load of Returning

These stories repeat across countries. Immigrants live in two worlds. In one, they work long hours to survive. In the other, they are symbols of success. Families expect more. Friends expect gifts. Every return home feels like a test of loyalty, gratitude, and financial strength.

Yet behind smiles sit guilt, pressure, and emotional fatigue. Many carry silent resentment and exhaustion that no one sees.

Returning home should not be proof of anything. Your value is not measured by how many gifts you bring or how much you spend. The most meaningful gift is your presence. Your stories. Your time. The reminder that you still belong.

Support for the Journey

If you feel overwhelmed while preparing for a visit home, breathe. Give what matters, not what is demanded. Your worth is not tied to expectations.

For counseling or guidance, contact
Dr. David Rex Orgen at 614-753-3925.

Written by Dr. David Rex Orgen, Best-Selling Author & International Mental Health Expert