The Hidden Cost of Caring for Families Abroad

“A cheerful voice on the telephone can hide a life that has become very tired.”

Every Sunday, Maria called her children in Manila from the Dubai apartment where she worked.

“Have you eaten?”

“How is school?”

“Are you listening to your grandmother?”

She asked the questions of a mother whose love had to travel through a screen.

Maria was a live-in caregiver. She prepared meals, managed medication, cleaned the home, and remained alert at night whenever the elderly woman she supported became restless.

Her salary paid for school fees, groceries, and medical expenses back home. Photographs of her children wearing new uniforms helped make the separation feel worthwhile.

After each Sunday call, however, Maria sat quietly on the edge of her bed.

Providing for Lives She Was Missing

Maria’s youngest child had stopped sharing small details with her. Her older daughter had begun calling their grandmother “Mama” without noticing. Maria was providing for her children’s lives while missing the lives she worked so hard to support.

Whenever they asked when she was coming home, Maria answered, “Soon.”

She had been saying soon for four years.

This is the complicated sacrifice faced by many migrant caregivers. They cross borders to care for other people’s families while relatives look after the children or parents they leave behind.

Their income may hold an entire household together, but the emotional cost is rarely included in the calculation.

Maria felt grateful for her job and deeply saddened by her absence. Both emotions were valid. She had not abandoned her children, but money alone could not replace her presence.

When Strength Becomes Silence

The strain began affecting Maria’s sleep. She became irritable and sometimes cried without warning. Still, she told herself that strong mothers did not complain.

Her outlook began to change when another caregiver invited her to a small community gathering. For the first time, Maria heard other women speak openly about the same guilt, loneliness, and divided loyalty.

She realized she was not alone.

Maria then changed the way she connected with her family. Instead of using every call to discuss responsibilities, she created individual time with each child. They read stories together, prayed, laughed, and talked about ordinary moments.

She also spoke honestly with their grandmother about discipline and family decisions so the children could receive consistent guidance.

Replacing Vague Promises With a Plan

Rather than continuing to promise that she would return “soon,” Maria began planning with dates and numbers. She considered how much returning would cost, the savings she would need, and what other options the family could explore.

Distance remained difficult, and not every problem disappeared. Honesty, however, gave the family something that vague promises could not.

If you are caring for loved ones from another country, do not allow every conversation to become a financial report or a list of instructions. Relationships also need laughter, stories, prayer, and ordinary moments.

If someone in your family works abroad, ask about that person’s wellbeing. Providing for others does not cancel loneliness, and being strong does not remove the need for care.

Sending money home can be an act of love. So can telling the truth about the cost of being away.

Sometimes the person supporting everyone else also needs someone to ask, “And how are you, really?”

Share Maria’s story with a family living across borders.

By Dr. David Rex Orgen, Best-Selling Author and International Mental Health Expert