When Fitting In at Work Starts to Erase You

On his first day at a technology company in Melbourne, Ravindran introduced himself and told his colleagues they could call him Ravi.

His manager suggested “Ray” instead because it might be easier. Everyone laughed, and Ravi joined them. Before long, Ray became his display name at work.

That was only the beginning. Ravi stopped bringing meals that attracted comments from colleagues. He avoided speaking Tamil on the telephone and softened his accent during presentations. Each adjustment seemed minor, but together they left him feeling as though he was constantly editing himself.

The Cost of Conditional Belonging

Ravi understood that adapting to a new workplace could be practical. Immigrants often learn unfamiliar communication styles, humor, expectations, and unwritten professional rules. This flexibility can be a valuable strength.

Yet Ravi began to question why adaptation always seemed to move in one direction. Acceptance appeared to depend on hiding parts of his identity, including his name, language, food, and accent.

The pressure became harder to ignore when a promotion opened. Ravi trained the colleague who eventually received the position. His manager explained that the other employee showed a more natural “leadership presence.”

Driving home, Ravi wondered what “natural” really meant.

When Hard Work Is Not Enough

Ravi responded by working harder and speaking less. He believed the quality of his work would eventually speak for itself.

Excellence mattered, but remaining silent allowed other people to define his value and contribution. With support from a mentor, Ravi began documenting his results and asking direct questions about promotion criteria. Instead of accepting vague comments about not being ready, he requested clear and specific feedback.

He also restored his full name to his email signature.

The next time someone called him Ray, he calmly replied, “Ravi is fine.”

It was a small correction, but it helped him reclaim something important.

Adapting Without Disappearing

Not every uncomfortable workplace interaction is intentional discrimination. Cultural misunderstandings happen, and immigrants must remain open to constructive feedback. However, repeated patterns should not be ignored simply because addressing them might make others uncomfortable.

Building a career in a new country may require learning its professional culture, but it should not require surrendering your dignity. Seek mentors, keep records of your accomplishments, ask how decisions are made, and challenge questionable assumptions calmly and specifically.

Leaders also have a responsibility to examine their standards. Familiarity should not be mistaken for competence, and one communication style should not become the only accepted expression of confidence or leadership. Learning and correctly using an employee’s name is a simple but meaningful place to begin.

True belonging should allow people to grow, not gradually make them smaller. Sometimes reclaiming yourself begins by saying your own name and giving the room an opportunity to learn it.

By Dr. David Rex Orgen, Best-Selling Author and International Mental Health Expert